A Public Apology to Myself

Posted on August 2, 2017 | 89 Comments

Dear Annette,

I want you to know, that I am sincerely sorry for not treating you better. For not seeing you as worthy of honor and respect. For not being more supportive in those times when you needed me the most. I want to take this time to assure you that I will make demonstrating my responsibility to you, my top priority.

For all those times, I allowed you to accept the shame in the face of verbal, physical, mental, sexual and emotional abuse, I apologize.  You NEVER caused people to behave this way, even though they told you it was all your fault.  You didn’t “ask for it” and I am sorry I didn’t know how to protect you from the attacks or the resulting pain.

For all those times, I allowed you to own the guilt for requiring others to honor their contracts with you, I apologize. You held up your end of the agreements, providing the services for which you were contracted in good faith. You NEVER caused people to decide to ignore their financial obligations to you and I am sorry I didn’t know how to help you find your voice.

See, Annette, there is no reason for you to feel the shame for what happened to you when others sensed your vulnerability. They did what they did because of where they were in their lives, not because of anything you did to provoke their behaviors. And while they may never accept the responsibility for their actions, you can release the shame.

Annette, feeling guilty about not standing up for yourself will never solve anything. You were acting in the only manner you knew, at the time, and now you know better. You have a choice at this point, to continue to live with the feelings of guilt or to move forward with a new attitude.

From now on, I promise to help you realize your true worth. To remind you every day that your value is based solely on how YOU see yourself. I promise to love you just because you breathe.

I love you forever and ever!

Annette

This entry was posted in Just Stuff and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

89 responses to “A Public Apology to Myself”

  1. Erika Kind | August 2, 2017 at 2:04 pm | Reply

    Dear Annette, this moved me to tears. I don’t remember when I read something that deep the last time. It is not only that it touched me how open you speak here, not only the self-love that and the embrace of yourself, but also how much this speaks to me right here, right now!! I have no words…. this is just so deep. Thank you so much… 💖

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Erika Kind | August 2, 2017 at 2:06 pm | Reply

    Reblogged this on Erika Kind and commented:
    This is one of the deepest writings I can remember. I am sure that everybody who reads it finds themselves in there too.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Rae Longest | August 2, 2017 at 2:09 pm | Reply

    We all need to make this apology and these promises to ourselves, Hon.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Mr. Militant Negro | August 2, 2017 at 2:12 pm | Reply

    Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.

    Like

  5. Ritu | August 2, 2017 at 2:23 pm | Reply

    Such true words in this letter Annette ❤❤❤
    If we don’t look out for ourselves … who Will? Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  7. colinandray | August 2, 2017 at 2:28 pm | Reply

    What a wonderful declaration of support to oneself, and such a vital move towards a healthy self-esteem and a productive and rewarding life. You have shown an amazing perception of your history and how you have dealt (or not) with it.
    This letter is a very powerful declaration of Annette’s existence, and that she is now ready to move forward. Go for it and, if you listen carefully, you’ll probably hear crowds cheering you on! Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Judy E Martin | August 2, 2017 at 2:33 pm | Reply

    Reblogged this on Edwina's Episodes and commented:
    A very powerful public apology to a person I respect and admire very much.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Judy E Martin | August 2, 2017 at 2:34 pm | Reply

    I hope you can now forgive yourself Annette, as it wasn’t your fault, these evil predators preyed on you.
    God Bless you for your strength and courage. 💖💖

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Annette Rochelle Aben | August 2, 2017 at 2:56 pm | Reply

    Thank you, Judy. Thank you so much. (((hugs)))

    Like

  12. vanbytheriver | August 2, 2017 at 4:08 pm | Reply

    Powerful ! Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. olganm | August 2, 2017 at 4:15 pm | Reply

    Thanks, Annette, for sharing and for being so brave. Big hug.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Kylie Scislowski | August 2, 2017 at 4:21 pm | Reply

    Love this thank you for sharing. You are a remarkable person!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. mikesteeden | August 2, 2017 at 4:27 pm | Reply

    Profound, deep, worthy and, I suspect, necessary. Well done, young lady.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Jennie | August 2, 2017 at 5:14 pm | Reply

    Nice, Annette. Really nice!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Tina Frisco | August 2, 2017 at 6:35 pm | Reply

    Wow, Annette, this is so powerful. I hear you, girlfriend. We are cut from the same cloth. I’m SO glad you’re letting go of shame and guilt. You are beautiful inside and out and all around. You are worthy, and you are loved 💕💕💕

    Liked by 1 person

  18. J.Gi Federizo | August 2, 2017 at 10:23 pm | Reply

    This speaks so much to me because I can relate somehow. I am feisty, but a lot of times, I’ve let others bully me just to keep the peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. syl65 | August 2, 2017 at 10:37 pm | Reply

    Sometimes we just have to release and unburden ourselves from all these feelings, emotions, thoughts, we are carrying inside. I think one of the hardest things is to forgive one’s self. I’m glad you pressed publish..

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Dermott Hayes | August 3, 2017 at 6:02 am | Reply

    There are no limits to others’ capacity to exploit and abuse the weak and often their biggest ally is the weak and abused themselves. A brave post, Annette, well done and, as we Dubliners like to say, fuck the begrudgers.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Sue Dreamwalker | August 3, 2017 at 8:15 am | Reply

    What a profoundly moving deep letter to self.. I carried Guilt around with me for so long from a feeling of unworthiness taught as a child,
    I never wrote a letter to self..
    But I wrote a letter to my Mother after she died.. letting go of a lot of the hurt I felt.. It most certainly helps to heal that inner child we so neglect..

    I came via Erika’s reblog.. Lovely to meet you Annette..
    Sue ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Don Massenzio | August 3, 2017 at 11:23 am | Reply

    Very moving. Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Chuck | August 3, 2017 at 12:03 pm | Reply

    Hi Annette,
    After the piece I wrote “Were you abused?” this ties right into the issue of abuse. You don’t have to be an abused child to have the same symptoms I suffered. Many women and some men allow themselves to be tangled up in an abusive relationship. Often the individual being abused thinks it is their fault. There can be a hundred reasons why they feel this way, but usually it is low self-esteem. In any case, the results are the same.

    If I’m correct, that is what you are sharing with us. It takes strength to admit your weakness, yet it is the first step in stopping the abuse. It is the first step to healing. I love your use of an apology to yourself as a means to accepting your frailties of the past. The promise to never let it happen again, says you have begun the recovery process.

    As strong a personality she showed me, I would never of guessed you were a victim of abuse. However, as you very well know, it is sometimes easier to hide in the shadows than to admit your weaknesses. I’m delighted that you have chosen to share your story. Thank you.
    HUGS

    Liked by 1 person

    • Annette Rochelle Aben | August 3, 2017 at 12:44 pm | Reply

      Thank you, Chuck. I once had a psychiatrist tell me that he was convinced I would need hospitalization if the drugs didn’t work. It was then I believed there had to be another way to heal. I began to seek help from rather unorthodox sources such as a Chiropractor friend who was also a Qii-Gong practitioner. While it has been 16 years since then, the alternatives would have been the death of me. So, while I have experienced all that I wrote about here in the post, I am living the best I know how, to not let that define me. Sometimes I do well and other times I do better! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  24. Adele Marie | August 3, 2017 at 1:08 pm | Reply

    sending you a massive hug. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  25. frenchc1955 | August 3, 2017 at 2:19 pm | Reply

    This is beautiful and powerful.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. RJS | August 4, 2017 at 6:30 pm | Reply

    So many can relate to this, myself included. In fact, it’s genius. I’m going to create my own version, print it out and read it daily for as long as it takes to believe it. Thank you. It’s so hard to do something concerted and practical – this kind of self love is the only way forward. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Pingback: #ShiningLight Annette Rochelle Aben | TINA FRISCO

  28. robbiesinspiration | August 5, 2017 at 1:03 am | Reply

    Dear Annette, this is an incredible post. You are an amazing person and an inspiration to us all.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life. | August 5, 2017 at 5:35 pm | Reply

    I don’t know why we accept the burden of others but we do. I am glad you wrote this letter to yourself Annette.. and I hope that you listen to your words and also to those of the many who stand beside you every day. We value you.. and you have our love.♥

    Liked by 1 person

    • Annette Rochelle Aben | August 5, 2017 at 5:58 pm | Reply

      To be sure my friend! I have to say, this blogging community of people who have yet to meet me, has been a major influence in my healing. I can and do feel the love and support. It’s genuine and has allowed me to accept that this is the energy of which I am worthy. This process reminds of the story of someone asking Michelangelo how he created his masterpiece, David. He said he took a piece of stone and took away everything that didn’t look like David. I am releasing everything that doesn’t look or feel look like me! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  30. IreneDesign2011 | August 6, 2017 at 11:12 am | Reply

    Wow for a post Annette. So very deep and emotional.
    This talks to my soul too.
    Thanks Take good care of yourself 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Colleen Chesebro | August 6, 2017 at 2:57 pm | Reply

    Reblogged this on A Mindful Journey and commented:
    Annette Rochelle Aben writes a letter to herself on her journey through forgiveness and self-compassion. We ALL need to do this! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Colleen Chesebro | August 6, 2017 at 2:58 pm | Reply

    Annette, you are well loved and long forgiven. Thank you for your love and compassion and always making me think about the things in life that truly matter. Love ya, Sis! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Annette Rochelle Aben | August 6, 2017 at 3:48 pm | Reply

      Thank you, Colleen. It is a strange thing, we want to be “normal” meaning that we want to be able to love and be loved. Yet, there are things we can sometimes not identify that appear to hold us back. This is an opportunity for me to release that of which I am aware and to cultivate that to which I have always aspired, in a healthy manner! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • Colleen Chesebro | August 6, 2017 at 3:54 pm |

        I agree. You are wise, my dear friend. I totally understand your feelings. I feel this way with my kids. Yet, I can’t identify how to reach them. I’ve decided that I can’t let that hold me back anymore. It’s my life and I need to live it without them… ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  33. dgkaye | August 7, 2017 at 10:41 am | Reply

    So beautiful and empowering Annette. Go you! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Hugh's Views and News | August 7, 2017 at 11:16 am | Reply

    You’re number one, despite what anyone else says. Without you, there would be nothing. You have life in your hands. Without you, for many people, the world would be a lonelier and less happy place.
    Sending you hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Ali Isaac | August 10, 2017 at 2:42 pm | Reply

    Very powerful and moving message, Annette. I’m sorry you had to go through such terrible experiences. I can see you are healing though. Keep going. Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Christine Keleny | August 12, 2017 at 11:03 am | Reply

    NIce and true!
    Take care, sweetie!

    Like

  37. D. Wallace Peach | August 13, 2017 at 4:11 pm | Reply

    Wonderful letter, Annette. Love, forgiveness, gratefulness are all keys to happiness. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.