Eloise

Posted on October 8, 2021 | 14 Comments

Charli Mills wants us to talk about whispers for this week’s Carrot Ranch  99-word flash fiction challenge. My offering is BOTS about the infamous former mental hospital, Eloise here in Wayne County Michigan. I can vouch for the fact that this place is haunted, without them having to create an attraction!

Pilar shook as she clutched at her hoodie. It wasn’t the temperature it was the atmosphere. With every step she took in the October darkness, she thought she heard another faint voice.

 Get out

 This is my home

 You are not welcome here

Her head moved like the beam of a lighthouse as she searched for a face. But there was no one in sight. Only dead trees and rocks,

She ran when another voice moaned.

 I died here

 GET OUT

It was a BIG mistake to visit the Halloween attraction on the grounds of a former mental hospital.

©2021 Annette Rochelle Aben

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14 responses to “Eloise”

  1. Margot Kinberg | October 8, 2021 at 10:39 am | Reply

    Oooh, creepy! I really like the way you build atmosphere here! It makes me want to know more about the one who died…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Erika | October 8, 2021 at 11:16 am | Reply

    Ooooh, very creepy, Annette. This calls for a sequel about the adventure of the visitor.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hugh W. Roberts | October 9, 2021 at 5:30 am | Reply

    I love the creepy atmosphere you built up in this piece. I’d have had second thoughts going there on Halloween, though. I’d probably have only visited on the first day of summer.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Charli Mills | October 13, 2021 at 10:43 pm | Reply

    That makes it even creepier, Annette!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Pingback: Draft Collection « Carrot Ranch Literary Community

  7. Rebecca Glaessner Author | October 19, 2021 at 7:30 pm | Reply

    I agree. I leave anything even mildly ghost-related, well alone. They have their realm, and we have ours. I don’t relate one bit to the supposed thrill of it all.

    Liked by 1 person

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